The Frying Monkey: Tales of an Accelerated Nature

2011 Pacific Coast Triathlon [RACE RECAP]

2011-09-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

Pacific Coast Triathlon, September 11, 2011 – Second Triathlon. Distance: Sprint.

I'm such a procrastinator. I'm racing Orangeman this weekend, and just getting around to recapping last race! So… Here goes. Pre-race Saturday night we prepped our gear and ate a junk-food-inspired, but healthy and delicious meal which you should check out here.

We hit the hay early and the alarm sounded at 3:40 AM. After hustling through our breakfast and tea so we could get the show on the road, we pedaled away from our house in the pitch black. Note on riding in the wee hours: Almost everyone on the road is drunk or worse. One person passed us that couldn't have been going faster than 25 in a 50 zone. Somehow, by the power of blinding LEDs, we made it to the race unscathed! We arrived, got body-marked and headed for the transition area in the hope of snagging a nice spot in the racks. I went about setting up my area, and meeting my neighbors. 2 guys were first-timers, and amazingly enough (in my sophomore race) I helped them set up their transition areas. Nothing really hammers home a lesson like teaching it, right? There was a kid to my right with a spiffy TT bike that looked about 15; his mom was with him. He told me this was his 8th race (he came in 16th overall, incidentally… Ringer!) After quadruple-checking that all my stuff was laid out where I would find it, I headed down to the starting area with my new neighbors.

Swim

As I waited around the starting area I noticed my stomach felt full from breakfast and water. I hoped that would go away, remembering OC Tri where I felt sick on the run from over-nutrition. At some point my mom and dad found us – it's always nice to have family support! The first and second waves went off, and my wave took the starting line. The horn blew, and we all charged for the ocean – just in time for a nice set of waves around 5'. My goggles fluttered as I dove through one of the waves, and they half-filled with water. With no time to spare in such a short race, I paid as little attention as possible, and swam hard for the first buoy, trying to break free of the pack. I remember thinking of the opening scene in "Saving Private Ryan".

This was my second race, and the first time I had purposely stayed at the edge of the pack so I wouldn't have to deal with the chaos. This time I was right in the middle of a mess of neoprene-clad monkeys all fighting for position. Someone grabbed my ankle, and I snapped my leg to break free, annoyed. I rounded the first buoy, hit the gas, and my stride (ok, stroke), and worked to put distance between me and the chaos. This worked well until my group started overlapping the previous group, then it was back to the mess. With the last buoy in sight of my water-logged goggles, I kept my pace high but manageable. I rounded the last buoy and headed for shore. On the way in, I felt the water level drop and knew that I was right in the impact zone for the set that was apparently coming in. I half-bodysurfed the wave momentarily, but inevitably hit the spin-cycle, and when the wave passed I wasn't sure which way was up. Thankfully my feet hit the sand and I stripped off my cap and goggles, dizzily heading up the ramp to T1. I confess; it's pretty steep, and I walked a few yards to shake off the swim.

T1

T1 was smooth and fast, although I had a little trouble getting my left cleat in at mount line. I keep thinking I need to learn that trick where you mount with your shoes attached and strap in later, but I use Shimano cleats and they're pretty easy to run in.

Bike

I regretted taking it easy on the bike in OC Tri, so I fully intended to hammer the bike for this race. I pulled onto the course and set to work, dropping into my aerobars, focused on staying in them as much as possible. (Weakness: usually I'm in and out of my aerobars a lot and I need to work on that.) Another racer pulled up on me and said I was riding a pace he'd try to stay with, we ended up riding together almost the whole bike leg. As I approached the first turnaround, I saw a SCC team rider that I knew, and felt I must be doing ok, because his wave went 3 minutes ahead of mine. I knew he'd increase the distance between us, but seeing someone who I know to be a VERY strong rider gave me confidence. My new friend and I leapfrogged a few times, and were riding a very similar pace, somehow finding time to banter a little. Approaching the third turnaround on the climb, but with momentum, I felt a strong shimmy in my rear wheel and my heart sank, thinking I was getting a flat. I slowed even as I climbed, and I craned my neck to see if the tire was losing air. Just then, my new friend came up on the left and said, "You're good!" It sure does pay to be nice to people on the course. That saved me a LOT of time. I realized it had been a gust of wind on my 66mm-deep TT wheels, and got back to cranking. One problem I noticed in this race was I couldn't get to my water bottles and maintain my pace, so I was a little behind the hydration curve on the bike. (Solved: Speedfil Hydration System) On the last climb, I put the pedal to the metal and dropped my buddy. I made the last turnaround, and as I approached the turnoff for T2 and unstrapped my shoes, he pulled up again saying, "I knew you'd wait for me!" I love the people in this sport. As we rode into T2 I said, "If you're a runner, I'm in big trouble." "NOPE! CHUCK TESTA!" he replied. (Ok, he didn't really say "Chuck Testa".)

T2

I blew through T2 in just over 50 seconds, which is less than half my OCTri T2 time. That felt good, considering my sluggish OCTri transitions.

Run

As I wrapped up T2, I heard people cheering, "GO CHRIS!" I looked up, and saw Chris Davis, who took 3rd AG OCTri 2011, and 2nd AG PCT 2010. Facebook has a funny way of making people who don't know each other recognize each other in the wild. Well, in this case, I knew who he was, at least. After OCTri, I made chasing Chris (or at least his times) a goal, figuring that if I could come in close to that, I would have a shot at a podium spot. Starting my run, He was probably 40 yards ahead, and I knew that distance would only grow, but hoped I had a chance at a podium finish! I realized I was being a little overzealous when I looked at my Garmin and was running somewhere around 6:20-6:30. That is not my pace, not yet, anyway. The run is mostly flattish, with a little roll to it, and I set myself to breathing and maintaining a decent pace. A mile or so into the run, the full stomach from earlier came back to haunt me, and I really hoped I wouldn't get sick, but resolved to keep running the same pace regardless. Shortly afterward, I was passed by my teenage rack-mate, who said, "Nice bike!" I wished him good hunting, and watched him speed away, running better than a 6:00 pace. (Yes, I verified that with the race results.) Another kid passed me over the next half-mile, running nearly as fast. It must be nice to weigh 105lbs! About 2 miles in, I passed 2 firefighters running in full fire gear in honor of 9/11, and saluted. With half a mile to go, I ran as fast as I could for the finish line without detonating my heart – I even (uncharacteristically) waved as I crossed this time! Oh yeah – I actually managed to get some water from those effing cups on the run this time!

Wrap-up

This race was mostly for fun, but I really wanted to swing for the fence and see what happened. I came in 3rd AG and got a plaque to show for it, as well as a nifty USAT beer glass. I had a great time, met some new people, and raced with some amazing athletes. I hope I can fit this race in next year's schedule!

Addendum

My first ride after PCT, Rose and I were taking an moderate pre-work spin, and at some point we were passed by a guy on a FELT that was hauling ass. I took off after him like the car-chasing dog that I am, and when I caught him near the end of the Back Bay Trail, I saw a number placard on his top-tube. Riding buddy from PCT? Found. How's THAT for coincidence? I thanked him for spotting my back wheel that day. He came in an unofficial 4th, due to a lost transponder. Maybe he got rolled by a set too.

Number

Division

First Name

Last Name

Age

Sex

Time

Overall

Sex Place

Div Place

Swim

Bike

Run

City

State

821

35-39 M

Adam

Zalewski

1:11:49.6

12:29.0

03:19.8

34:41.0

50.3

20:29.3

Costa Mesa

Blade Runner: The Original v. The Director's Cut

2010-10-20T09:33:00.001-07:00

For centuries, humans have debated the ethics of playing god. In his 1982 film, Blade Runner, British director Ridley Scott dramatically illustrates the concept. Set in a futuristic urban Dante’s Inferno, Scott’s film stylistically juxtaposes film noir and science fiction with a ladle of cyberpunk, and a pinch of philosophy: a world where ceiling fans and cigarette smoke are at home with flying cars, impossibly tall skyscrapers, and poetry-spouting androids. Punks and Hare Krishnas rub shoulders on perpetually wet streets; ads for Coca-Cola and commercials in Japanese take up entire building-sides; a hovering blimp incessantly drones the excitement of off-world pioneering.

William Gibson, acknowledged creator of the essential shared vision of cyberpunk, with its jacked-in, downbeat, texturally dense future, confessed that seeing Blade Runner nearly caused him to give up writing his seminal cyberpunk text, the novel Neuromancer (not published until 1984), because the film was so much like the vision he had inside his own head. It is a rare, perhaps the only case of cinematic science-fiction predating a trend in publishing. (Chapman)

One can indisputably christen Blade Runner cyberpunk’s Adam. Based on the 1968 Philip K. Dick novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Scott’s film relates the story of Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), hard-boiled retired cop and ‘Blade Runner’: a member of a law enforcement team charged with hunting down renegade androids. The legend at onset tells viewers:

Early in the 21st Century, THE TYRELL CORPORATION advanced robot evolution into the NEXUS phase - a being virtually identical to a human - known as a Replicant. […] Replicants were superior in strength and agility, and at least equal in intelligence, to the genetic engineers who created them. Replicants were used Off-World as slave labor, in the hazardous exploration and colonization of other planets. After a bloody mutiny by a NEXUS 6 combat team […], Replicants were declared illegal on earth - under penalty of death. Special police squads - BLADE RUNNER UNITS - had orders to shoot to kill, upon detection, any trespassing Replicant. This was not called execution. It was called retirement... (Blade Runner)

Six Replicants escape the off-world colonies intent on extending their short (four year) lives. They slaughter twenty-three people before hijacking a shuttle later found drifting, crewless, off the Los Angeles coastline. Two get “fried” breaking into the Tyrell Corporation. Police honcho Bryant (M. Emmet Walsh) summons Deckard via fellow Blade Runner Gaff (Edward James Olmos), to locate the remaining four “skin-jobs”. Through investigation Deckard finds and retires Replicant Zhora (Joanna Cassidy) and is subsequently rescued from another, Leon (Brion James) [killed by Rachael (Sean Young), a Replicant for which Deckard develops an attraction]. He slays a third, Pris (Daryl Hannah), and goes on to battle the powerful, intelligent group leader in a climactic ending wherein the expiring Replicant, Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer), compassionately saves Deckard’s life as his final act. Freed of his charge, Deckard promptly grabs the girl, and flees the city. So ends the story. Or does it?

Test screenings for the upcoming Blade Runner release yielded unsatisfactory results:

In 1982, preview audiences for the movie were overawed by its wealth of visual detail, and they expressed confusion with the storyline. So Warner Bros., and a reluctant Scott, inserted narration and an uplifting ending. (Howe)

Originally filmed without a monotone, explanatory voice-over […], a noirish, somber, flat-voiced narration and a tacked-on, positive, upbeat ending were added to the 1982 release - they were demanded by the studio after disastrous preview test screenings. (Dirks)

Why was the original cut poorly received, and therefore altered? Perhaps the masses found themselves ill-equipped for a film that so vividly painted a bleak (and altogether human) future a’la Orwell’s 1984. Unlike Disney’s successful TRON and Lucas’ Star Wars phenomenon, both set in fantastic environs with clearly drawn battle lines, the Earth-bound, morally blurredBlade Runner may have struck a little too close to home. Of the original 1982 theatrical release, critics and audiences seemed to agree:

A box-office disappointment lost on audiences appalled by the British visualist's glowering, smoggy portrait of the future. Critics reviled it for the drone of Ford's voice-over narration and the upbeat Hollywood ending […, a] tacked-on coda comprised of leftover footage from Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. (Kempley)

Burdened by an inane happy ending and a frankly embarrassing voice-over from Harrison Ford, (Cramp) the future of Scott’s film (ultimately a poor box office performer) looked as ominous as his portrait of 21st-century Los Angeles.

The 1992 release of Blade Runner: The Director’s Cut departed significantly from the initial issue. With small, but crucial addition and removal of footage, and the deletion of Deckard’s banal voice-over, the new edit transformed the film. Whether for better or worse remains the subject of heated debate. Of spending more time developing Deckard and Rachael’s romance, and splicing the “unicorn reverie” clip into a solitary Ford scene, director Scott claims:

This is […] the version [I] would have released in 1982 if [I] could have. (Ebert)

Near the film’s close, as hero and femme-fatale flee the City of Angels, Rachael kicks over an origami figurine, the hallmark of Blade Runner Gaff: a small silver-foil sheet meticulously folded into a unicorn. The ambiguity of film’s original cut leaves the viewer unsure of this symbol’s significance:

The unicorn is the last of a series of origami figures that Gaff uses to taunt Deckard. In Bryant's office when Deckard insists he's retired, Gaff folds a chicken: You're afraid to do it. Later he makes a man with an erection: You're attracted to her. And finally, the unicorn: You're dreaming, you can run away with her, but she won't live […] One interpretation is that the unicorn was simply a message to Deckard to say I know you've got Rachael, but I'll let her live. Another interpretation (based on the script) is that the unicorn is Gaff's gauntlet and he will hunt them both down. (Chapman)

The unicorn dream-sequence supplies the audience firm evidence of a stunning new plot twist: Is Deckard a Replicant? The original had but hinted at the possibility:

Rachael: You know that [Replicant-screening] test of yours? Did you ever take that test yourself?
Roy Batty: Kinship!!
Gaff: You've done a man's job, sir. (Blade Runner)

The unicorn vision's addition confirms our suspicions: Were Deckard human, how could Gaff have known about the dream?

Small amounts of footage from the original release did not make The Director’s Cut, but this did nothing to damage the plot. The shortening of Pris’ violent, thrashing death scene and Roy’s explicit eye-gouging of corporate father-god Tyrell (Joe Turkel) were left on the editing room floor. In a film that runs rampant with eye-images and symbolism, one wonders at Scott’s motivation in casting away this significant blinding of Creator by Creation.

In the Mythological fable of Polymnestor, the gouging of eyes was a revenge killing. […] Polymnestor's eyes were gouged out as revenge for the death of others at his hands. [By killing] Tyrell, [Roy] was symbolically avenging the deaths of the Replicants. So also was he able to ensure that no more Replicants could be made to share his fate. (Lachniel)

Blade Runner opens with a macro of an eye overseeing a hellish world; the machine that exposes Replicants detects involuntary eye movements; Replicants and synthetic animals have glowing cat’s eyes; Leon tries to put his fingers in Deckard’s eyes; the omniscient Tyrell, high in his pyramid, wears huge glasses and owns a wide-eyed owl (a symbol of wisdom). Clearly, the film draws on the eye as a potent symbol, and, in a small way, something is lost through the editing of this scene, though the net result (Tyrell’s death) remains the same.

By far the most critically lauded alteration to the film, the deletion of Deckard’s monotone voiceover incited much rejoicing in the film community:

Freed of these distractions, Blade Runner becomes a purer pleasure. (Kempley)
Ford's voice-over is mercifully deleted. (Cramp)

In addition to dismissing old grievances, some critics raised wholly new points:

The lack of narration […] enhance[s] several scenes, especially the special effects scenes involving flight over the city. Excising the narration has left only the majestic score by Vangelis, which lends these scenes a mysterious, meditative quality reminiscent of Kubrick. The pace of the film is thus changed -- the new Blade Runner feels more thoughtful, giving the viewer more time to consider the implications of [the events]. The special effects take on a ballet-like quality without [the intrusion of] Ford's voice. (Jackson)

Truly, Vangelis’ haunting, saxophonic synthesizer lends to the film’s future noir tone, while subtly recalling the dark opening of Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange. The more audible score nevertheless comes at a high price. The Director’s Cut, while a brilliant version of the film, loses its Sam Spade sensibility with Deckard’s voiceover omitted:

I knew the lingo, every good cop did. (Blade Runner)
At times, the externalized “lingo” provides viewers with an enhanced understanding of Deckard’s world:
[Bryant]’s the kind of cop ‘used to call black men niggers. (Blade Runner)
The loss hinders insight into Deckard‘s thoughts and emotions:
The report would be ‘routine retiring of a Replicant’, which didn’t make me feel any better about shooting a woman in the back. (Blade Runner)

Thus, The Director’s Cut deals not a crippling blow, but certainly a flesh wound to the original release: A motion picture so drenched in film noirwould doubtless exhibit the genre’s key elements.

What would characterize the ideal version of this landmark piece of cinema history? Admittedly, all thirty-five lines of voiceover do not lend themselves to the work flawlessly, but several help develop the characters, mood, or story in at least some small way. While Pris’ shorter, cleaner death feels less gratuitously disturbing, removing the intense and highly symbolic blinding of Tyrell leaves a hole in the abstract fabric of this richly reflective film. Reports say that Scott is considering a re-edit for an upcoming multi-DVD Special Edition. Perhaps there will be a little something for everyone.

(Four years after this writing, Scott released The Final Cut)

http://www.amazon.com/Runner-Five-Disc-Complete-Collectors-Blu-ray/dp/B000UBMWG4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1287591185&sr=8-1

Works Cited

Blade Runner. Dir. Ridley Scott. Perf. Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young, Edward James Olmos, and Daryl Hannah. Warner Brothers, 1982.
Blade Runner: The Director’s Cut. Dir. Ridley Scott. Perf. Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young, Edward James Olmos and Daryl Hannah. Warner Brothers, 1992.
Cramp, Nick. “Film Reviews” Rev. of Blade Runner. British Broadcasting Corporation 2002-2003. 7 Feb. 2001. 30 April 2003. http:www.bbc.co.uk/films/gateways/author/crampnic/index.shtml.
Chapman, Murray. Blade Runner FAQ.1992-1998. 30 April 2003.http://scribble.com/uwi/br/brfaq.
Darren. Blade Runner The Site. Analysis of Blade Runner by Mark Lachniel. 3 March 2003.
30 April 2003. http:bladerunnerthesite.users.btopenworld.com/BR/analysis.htm.
Dirks, Tim. Greatest Films. Rev. of Blade Runner. 1996-2002. 30 April 2003 www://.filmsite.org/blad.html.
Ebert, Roger. “Blade Runner: Director’s Cut.” Rev. of Blade Runner: Director’s Cut, dir. Ridley Scott. Chicago Sun Times 11 Sept. 1992.
Howe, Desson. “Blade Runner.” Rev. of Blade Runner, dir. Ridley Scott. Washington Post 11 Sept. 1992.
Jackson, Bill. “Blade Runner.” Rev. of Blade Runner, dir. Ridley Scott. The Tech 18 Sept. 1992: vol.112.
Kempley, Rita. “Blade Runner.” Rev. of Blade Runner, dir. Ridley Scott. Washington Post 11 Sept. 1992.

Sherlock Holmes Review

2010-01-14T09:52:00.000-08:00

Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes bull’s-eyes morphing Classic English Literature into Big Budget Movie.

A film fatally flawed in the casting phase, Holmes panders to an American audience with its gratuitously un-British lead and big effects budget. Robert Downey Jr. turns in a stellar (if indulgent) performance, but I just don't buy him as Holmes, despite his brilliant acting chops and sharing Holmes’ interest in certain, shall we say, winter sports. Jude Law laid down an adequately romantic Watson to keep the ladies in their seats.

Quippy dialog entertains, but not enough to carry the film, or do more than tip a hat to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s brilliance. Holmes’ most valuable asset (his intellect) is sadly overshadowed by explosions, fight scenes, and visual effects, leaving the film reeking of American Blockbuster. The only thing that made me think Guy Ritchie was the soundtrack.

Casting. Choosing Gary Oldman and Tim Roth for the roles of Holmes and Watson would have improved this film dramatically, despite their more advanced years; I think fans of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead would agree. Daniel Craig opposite Law would have been a more honest choice for Anglophiles.

Guy Ritchie enjoyed an unusual sophomoric peak but has slid downhill from there, which may explain his reach for what will certainly be a new box-office franchise. Sherlock Holmes is thankfully more watchable that his last two efforts, but doesn’t make me hungry for an excessively foreshadowed sequel.

On the Merits of High Cholesterol

2008-03-06T10:04:00.000-08:00

Ohio, 06 March 2008

Were Cholesterol a marketable commodity, folks in Middle America would spend their free time polishing their fleets of Beamers and Benzes with designer-logoed hand stitched diapers and Southern California might wither into a desolate wasteland of dehydrated low-carb salad greens.

Cholesterol probably didn’t come from this region any more than MSG originated in China, but that doesn’t change the fact that it seeps into everything in a way akin to Dune’s mélange. Your blood cholesterol has climbed since you started reading this. You think I’m trying to be funny. You won’t be laughing when you’re gripping your chest trying frantically to remember those instructions we’ve all received in our inboxes 642 times with the subject line FW: FW: RE: FW: FW: FW: What to do if you think you’re having a heart-attack.

Even the breading has breading here. They have a cute name for breaded breading: Hush-Puppies. I once saw the World’s Largest Ball of Twine.

(No, these are not my photos.)

It’s the star attraction of Cawker City, Kansas. I wonder if somewhere there exists a World’s Largest Hush-Puppy? Imagine the deep fryer you’d need for something like that. Most people have probably heard of the Fry-Baby and Fry-Daddy:

This would be like the Fry-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandfather. We’re talking a fifth-wheel trailer with Bigfoot tires and a big-ass NASCAR logo on the side and that uses about as much electricity as Guatemala City. Now that’s Americana.

So how did all this begin? The frying and re-frying, I mean. Is a vegetable-oil cartel behind the whole thing? Yesterday I ordered a ham-and-Swiss sandwich on wheat bread because the folks I’m working with were ordering lunch from a family-style restaurant. I figured it was a safe bet, because I felt a little greased-out. The sandwich arrived warmish and dressed in oily wax paper. With reservation, I unwrapped my lunchtime treat of a grilled Swiss cheese sandwich that had somehow managed to envelop four slices of Canadian bacon like some kind of mutant-fast-food-amoeba. A carnivorous grilled cheese – I bet Darwin never saw this one coming. Clearly some kind of cultural misunderstanding had occurred here, or maybe I had simply forgotten one of the cardinal rules about unknown restaurants. When in doubt, order the Club Sandwich.

Check out this little gem I found:

Five sheets to the wind in Copenhagen. Ok I’m lying, I’m in a cheap motel in Ohio.

2008-03-05T18:53:00.000-08:00

Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot. That's so my new favorite expression.

So I'm in Ohio on business in early March, thinking,"Well, TECHNICALLY winter is over in like 2 weeks, right?" And it's 50 degrees when I leave the airport, so I figure I'm safe for the time being. I think I'll italicize what are THE OPERATIVE WORDS IN THAT SENTENCE.

[>>] Fast forward to Chapter 2.

Ok seriously, people live here. In Ohio. Like 365 days a year and every fourth year they get AN EXTRA DAY. To freeze their God-Fearing Asses off in February. Which has 2 r's for no reason that any living person can tell me.

Pause, focus. That actually wasn't Chapter 2 – that was more of the epilogue to Chapter 2. Chapter 2 starts with leaving the motel where I'm staying at 8-something in the morning and walking out into something like a cross between a sandstorm and a snow-cone factory. Not shave-ice. I'm talking snow-cones, like the kind made from little granules of ice that are whizzing thru the sub-zero air so fast it would peel the flesh from your bones if you were only thawed enough to be pliant. OMG my whingey little "I wanna be a proper SUV when I grow up" rental car... It looks like it was dipped in molten sugar syrup and is about to be sold in some giant's candystore as a frosty treat for their kids that has a squishy, wriggling center. FEE, FIE, FOE, FUM...

What?

Sorry I couldn't hear that over the sound of my frozen hands desperately scraping at the ice with $2.50 worth of leaded Chinese plastic like that girl you never saw in Silence of the Lambs. The Bahamas. Think about The Bahamas.

Please don't let my friends I grew up with in Chicago ever read this. I'll be disowned.

But that settles it. This place is not suitable for human life. I think maybe Midwesterners are distantly descended from Martians. It's witches' tits there too.